Creeply

Preface: For anyone who reads my blog now is time to speak up. This is sincere post and I assure you it is not a fish for comments. This preface only serves as an opportunity for people to make themselves known to me due to the serious matter of this post.

I offer a public service. My association with people throughout my entire livelihood has produced much selfless action. The situation I am in right now is very peculiar and it seems, despite my efforts, I am creating and destroying the same cycle of dramatic interaction. As cliché as it is, it begins with a woman. I have no particular feelings for this woman but I respect her character. I understand her upbringing and I understand her current state of emotional transition. I have had quite the physical encounter with this one but my intellect has been thrown in front of me as usual. I seem to abandon my most fundamental human urges for an exchange of intellect in nearly all cases.

The specifics of the situation are summarized as follows:

• I am physically attracted to this woman
• I am intellectually superior and have imposed my intellect on her
• She is infatuated with another man but…
• She has been without a significant other for some time and I am the quickest solution
• Because I have thrown my intellect to her she has obviously reconsidered our arrangement
• In her search to end her transitional phase she is seeking an emotional rescue (the other man)
• I lay in the background as the “consultant”, you might say
• The other man lies in the foreground, fighting with less intellect; working the social system to find his way to her
• I worked the social system to fall into the background
• I can either be the driving force pushing her to him and creating a successful relationship or I can be the driving force to destroy the extending social groups and end this in uproar; I would be forced to drift to another social clique.

I feel the best solution here is to back off more and more until things pan out. I need to take the road of least complications in order to ensure my social standing in the collective. I have been in this same situation a dozen times and it is important for me to tie bonds with an outsider (outside the situation in the same social group). I have an obvious candidate for this position. One plan might be to create a series of rumors that will turn for my favor and also save the inevitable couple. Another might be to establish the friend zone and be on back burner of their entire relationship. I think the latter is more achievable.

Footnote: If I push this there is a small situation that I might prevail but at what expense? Let’s see what happens over the next few days. I want to avoid extreme drama at all costs.

Be crazy, be fun, be outgoing, be enlightened, be alive, be attractive in your own way, make tea, be weird, be gentle, be confrontational, be explicit, be beautiful, be health conscious but still eat like crap, be intelligent, make decisions, make mistakes, be biased but only in your favor, be sarcastic, laugh when someone falls down but be ready to pick them up, accept all the things in life that suck but make them part of what is fun, be some one’s valentine, be some one’s teacher, act out of character only once, give back to the collective, be an activist, be a pop culture disaster, be sexy, be a good dancer or   believe you are, have a dream, be someone who will achieve their dream, be an offensive driver, wear your clothes inside out, be stylish or think stylish, wear sunglasses when they are not needed, joke about your period, be free, be political, be yourself. Be all of these things and understand they are powerful. Use these tools with the appropriate quantity to achieve love.

It starts very early on in school and they speculate that it falls off the map once students hit college. Whoever they are, they are wrong. I’m talking about social cliques. The fluidity between social cliques is impossible, even in college. This case study is about a specific person in one of my classes. She is an “untouchable”. When I say this I mean she is way out of my social reach. I do a very great job of manipulating my persona to fit many social structures, hence people watching. The spectrum of social networks I am able to penetrate is pretty vast but it is pretty fucking frustrating when things get just out of my reach. This girl is just out of my reach. All the knowledge of social systems I have acquired over my years as a student have done me wrong by denying me access to her social sphere. I have finally decided to take root in one social bubble which is generally vast but it cannot bring me to the refined social sphere of her. So what is my plan? I can’t just give up on something as awesome as this girl. I don’t really know what to do. All I can really do is go through the motions of creating a later meeting of chance.
A chance meeting is pretty contrary to its name. I have done this before. I make little decisions based on what I have seen so that we run into each other. I have already started planning it. It is going to be hilarious. In theory a chance meeting relies on my ability to be successful during the time she is not seeing me. Thus, when we meet I will have a better chance to penetrate the social sphere.Yes.

My life as a single middle aged teen aged man is a wild combination of downtime and obsession. When I am no obsessing over something I am actually pretty boring. The crux of my obsession right now is a girl, as usual. It is really hard to explain how I can just spontaneously become obsessed with a girl. It is not something I often thing about but that is the nature of obsession.

I suppose in the long run I learn from these episodes of obsession. Regardless of how close I really am to the girl I learn something about their character in every case. The shit I learn, more often than not, is something I adopt into my own character which gives me a pretty interesting character to say the least.

This article is not about what I get out of obsessing but more of what causes it. As I mentioned before, this is damn hard to explain. I suppose I could take the biological clock approach and tell you all how mating season and androgen play a role in my ritual obsession but seems a little ridiculous and I am no scientist. So, I build my own personality by absorbing others’. When I was in high school looking for an identity I was set on an anti-conformist type of lifestyle. I pretty much decided then and there that the bureaucracies of the world are only infiltrated by those who can adapt their character. This realization led me to build personas out of my need to absorb others’ character. I became obsessed. I have redefined the term obsessive compulsive as a compulsion to become obsessed with the girl. That also lends hand to the fact that I always become bored with my relationships.

Though I have had many successful relationships lasting multiple years apiece I still find my personality adapts too fast for my partner. Thus, over adapting is a weakness of mine.

The current girl just might be able to adapt with me. I know I am nearing an obsessive fit by her body language. When she walks into a room my attention is immediately deviated to her. I find her voice extremely fascinating and what I have read in her personality is chemical. I take standard action plan for these situations. 1. Find her on the Internet. 2. Initiate the conversation here because the Internet shows peoples’ weak points. 3. Introduce her to my world and my persona which is cleverly tailored to her character. 4. Start breaking down her world and replacing it with mine. 5. Wait. Once in my world it is only a matter of time before she falls for the trap of character manipulation.

Side note: I am a professional at people watching for this reason hands down. The ability to watch and act all in one situation is the zenith of being true at the sport. I constantly dictate but nobody else can realize the snare I have set up in their very own social comfort zone.

What is this? That’s a dumb question. I know what it is. It is nothing. Well, something, yet nothing. It is like that piece of bone you find in your can of tuna, or the wrinkle you missed while ironing your sweater, a small pebble in your shoes, or maybe even  that one lick of hair that won’t flatten to your head like the rest. All I know really is that it is not the fabled notion and sickening confusion that is love. As much as I’d want it to be something as chaotic and heart wrenching as that, I am just oddly enough content with the situation to halt all obsession. She is really a wonderful girl with all of the right criterion I have compiled to build the perfect girlfriend but it seems that I just don’t care. There is no lack of chemistry because I understand the appeal I bring to the table and luckily for her she fits right into my cute category but there is something missing. Maybe I am the nice guy, who is really bad (or visa verse) and she is the bad girl who is really nice (or visa verse) and we are two of the same flowers on opposite sides of the meadow but totally unaware of each other until a fall wind scatters some pollen. In my state of mind I want her so badly. That state of mind being my reclusivity over the past year. I need someone. Someone who can provoke some emotion in me but keep me sane all in one breath (compared to insanity of self that I know so well). It is hard to find sanity in your self when you are clearly insane. So the crux of the matter is that I feel apart without the idea of her in my life but I do not find resolution for my self loathing in her what so ever. I find that maybe being with her will help her to be less of a melodramatic but in the end I will only take it all like I have in the past. I will end up taking advantage when The time is most right because I am a master in human manipulation. I will end up getting the short term satisfactions I yearn for so much in my reclusive insanity and move on the cooler waters. It is the same cycle always. I get what I want, I delete a chapter of my life and I then move onto the next. It is hard for me to stay anywhere too long. That being said, my resolution is to not date her for the sake of the living I have made for myself and the self contention, no matter how insane, that is eminate. That self contention gets me everything I want. Carpe Omnious it is. Someone shoot me when I act on the Carpe Diem side of things…I dont like to fuck shit up.

“I still can’t find a job. It has gotten to the point where my degree doesn’t matter and I’ve resorted to looking for work at the mall.”

“Yeah I understand. This economy is really pulling us all down.”

“On top of that I just don’t know what to do about these two guys.”

“I’ve heard this story a thousand times. I told you, go for the nice guy. He will make you happier in the long run.”

“I know but in the heat of it all I really do like the pretentious one.”

“You know damn well that the pretentious one is just going to treat you like another groupie.”

“He says I am different, and I feel like I am different to him.”

“Trust me, you aren’t.”

I have given advice to a thousand girls in the same predicament. It has been a while now but I used to write love letters to this one. I never sent them of course but I won’t ever forget what I used to feel about her. It is a good thing that I didn’t follow through with those intentions because just now she made me realize she is no different from anyone else.

~

“I don’t like it when you drink! You know I don’t agree with that lifestyle.”

“I know that but it’s the lifestyle I want to live. I’m in college and it is an important time to experience the world. That’s why I try to encourage you to join us.”

“My parents wouldn’t approve of that and I have already made it clear they wouldn’t approve of you. Why can’t you make an effort to impress them?”

“I know I’m your first boy friend but you aren’t my first girlfriend. There are some things I just need for myself.”

“What are you getting at?”

“You are mad at me all the time for things that are just part of me. I’m really trying and you can’t see that. It is really hard to change, you know that, but you aren’t helping.”

“I don’t expect you to change but…”

“You do expect me to change! You make that clear every single time we talk.”

“I don’t expect you to change but I expect you to respect my life choices.”

“I’m still not getting what I need and it’s killing me.”

“Yeah? And what is that? What is so goddamn important that you have to drink to make up for it?”

“ I haven’t had sex in eight months. You know I come from a fraternity and it’s very difficult to give up a lifestyle like that.”

“Is that what this about? I told you I’m not that kind of girl. I just can’t be ready now, especially for my first boyfriend.”

“I don’t know what to do. I have thought about going elsewhere but every time I do I’m right back here, drunk, and horny.”

“I can’t do this with you. It just isn’t right”

“Then I think it needs to end”

They were first together in the spring. He was out of her league but for the first time in his life he was willing to make a sacrifice to change himself. He wanted to date someone for their personality, not their body. Body got the best of him I think. Now that the winter has begun they do nothing but build anger and unresolved problems. Unknown to , was only a drinker because of extreme guilt.

“I’m going to her house tonight.”

“Isot’s house?”

“No, the other girl.”

“Veronica?”

“Yeah. Because she isn’t old enough to go out with me she invited me over to drink. Wish me luck.”

“Ha, okay whatever you say.”

Isot loves him; he ignores it. A past full of nothing but infidelity and credit card debt has caused this man to be fragile. Living in his parent’s garage, he only finds comfort by visiting the wilderness. He aspires to move to Alaska and reenact a story that ends in suicide. I can only pity a person who has such a shallow soul.

The winter is the season of chaos. I find chaos to be incredibly inspiring. When I see the world crumbling around me I can feel nothing but sublime. My detached notion of reality makes me feel immune to this crumbling reality. The world is held together with tooth picks, cocktail olives, and a little bit of blind faith. When the toothpicks snap and the olives are eaten with our martinis the whole world is just blind. Welcome to my blog. I hope you stick around to hear the rest of the story.

From December 28th through January 12th I will going to Japan for the first time! I hear wonderful things about Japanese New Year’s celebrations so I thought the time was fitting, not to mention I have winter break from school. Too bad I’ll be missing the Emperor’s birthday. I thought it would be more than appropriate to discuss some of the things I will be looking forward to during my time in Japan.

Compliments of http://current.com/1lfs64c

1. I want to visit the Meiji Shrine on December 31st. I hear millions of people who up to see the temple. AWESOME!

2. I want to eat delicious Soba until I vomit!

Image from http://blog.realestate-tokyo.com/archives/51078374.html

3. I want to go to a bonenkai! Does anyone no a good place to go? Do I find friends or do I walk into a bar? Where is the best place to forget the past?

Image from http://newshopper.sulekha.com/slideshow/new-year///611181.htm

4. If I can get in I want to visit the Emperor! How awesome is my trip to Japan going to be?!!

Image from http://blog.americanpeyote.com/2007/10/01/lazy-tokyo-weekend-mt-fuji/

5. I would love to climb Mount Fuji to see the sunrise on New Year’s day BUT it is very dangerous in the winter. At least once in my lifetime I aspire to climb Fuji san in time to see a sunrise. Unfortunately that is a not-so-smart thing to do in the winter if you are not a professional, especially if you go to a bonenkai the night before!!!

Does anyone have suggestions for my New Year’s plans? I will be in the Tokyo area most of my trip but I will be traveling to Kobe for a few days visiting a friend. I am really excited about this trip and am pretty much planning my life around it. I want to hear from people who live in Japan or who go there often. As it is my first time out of the United States without my parents I am pretty nervous but I would love the security of friendly suggestion. Thanks! and Thanks for reading!

Recently, never having been to Japan, I have been questioning how I perceive it. I mentioned in my last article what I really like about Japan and what initially drew me to study the culture and language. It is fairly easy to see I care quite a bit about what Japan looks like to me.

Over the past few months I started reading “Japanese News” and watching Japanese television (not anime). I also stumbled across a few articles that made Japan seem pretty scary. What I gathered from these recent encounters with new medias was an image that scared me a little bit. Over the past few months I have built an unrealistic view of Japan. I would like to delve into more detail about my personal view but there is a bigger issue at hand.

In the United States (I only speak for the Silicon Valley, California as I have not lived much anywhere else) Japan and the related media is only anime otaku. Especially in this technology driven society (Silicon Valley super amplifies this aspect) my peers can only see the anime/manga culture. I have done my part to look through that culture (and also not embarrass myself in Japanese class by speaking like Naruto all the time). I think it is safe to say (despite my credibility) that most Americans have a skewed view of Japanese culture (well at least the people in my American niche). To exemplify I have a few cases of this misconception of culture:

1. My roomate and I are going to Japan in December. He expects to get laid every night just because he is white.

2. A close friend of mine completely rejects the existence of the Kanto region claiming that it is note the “real Japan” (though I’m pretty sure all of Japan is the real Japan how more real can you get?)

3. 70% of my Japanese language class learned their pronunciation from anime. Thus, they speak in the most obnoxious manner…kind of like a cartoon.

4. Another friend of mine only buys electronics from Japan despite the fact they are actually more expensive there.

5. I made the assumption that Japan was slightly racist but I now know that is wrong (oh thank god!)

In conclusion…I (and my friends) need to be educated more about Japan…any suggestions?

Thanks for reading!!!

I am an avid follower of all that is Japan related on the Internet but I have yet to write anything about it. I respect all those bloggers out there who can write tons about Japan especially if they do not live there. I would like to take the next few paragraphs to explain how I came to be so interested in Japan.

It started in a closet. A friend of mine was born on an American military base in Okinawa. She had a closet that was completely dedicated to Japanese history and Japanese novels. I dug in deep. For roughly 8 months I immersed my self in Japanese history and folklore. Unlike many people I know, I actually got drawn to Japan by their history. I absolutely respect a culture that was first noted for its artistic value.

From there I began doing some independent research on the culture in a modern context and discovered the stark differences between America and Japan. Of course I then began to watch some anime and delve into modern incarnations of Japanese art. Though extremely interesting I wanted more. I then decided to study the Japanese language.

In the past I had studied language but it wasn’t until a very profound teacher of mine stressed the importance of language to me that I really became interested. I decided Japanese was worth my first true effort to a language. I continue to study Japanese today and have plans on going there for a year through a study abroad program. For me it is really hard to express my love for the Japanese culture and all that surrounds it. Reading about Japan, I find, is one of my most prolific pastimes. Writing about it is difficult.

I had a very great conversation with my grandfather who believed, despite stress, apathy was the cause of most suicide. I totally agree! The bulk of the world’s nihilists and absurdists are the core demographic for suicide. I am constantly struggling to keep myself out of that group. Not to say that I am anywhere near a threat to myself; I just want the world to know how lase fare I really am and the threat it poses to the you.

I reject hedonism because I see it as irrelevant. Being selfish is my game but I find intellectual gluten much more satisfying than sexual or the otherwise. This view makes it very difficult to start a relationship because I see the entire situation as irrelevant. Within ten minutes with a person i have pinned them as a sex object or an opportunity for children. That being said, why can’t I just choose hedonism or the absurdity of “love”? I cannot choose and that is why I am on the fence with all of my relationships.